I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
