worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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