ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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