So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
