So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
