hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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