hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she told me i tasted like america
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
