he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
