He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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