Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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