If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
