He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
