People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I can't turn off my feet"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
