why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
