Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
