Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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