We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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