Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I want a musical about memes.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
