remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
