I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
