Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
how does that bad decision feel?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
