The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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