roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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