I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
