Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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