I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I supernannyed him into submission
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
