All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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