I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
