I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize