dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
