The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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