Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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