Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
