She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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