I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize