my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
