She's JV to your varsity
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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