I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
