You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
