I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize