I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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