He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
