I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
