Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
