Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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