whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
