Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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