Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
