It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
