She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
