i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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