I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
