Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
