Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
