on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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