Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize