We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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