dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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