I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
