So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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