From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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