I think I died a long time ago.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
