You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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