Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
