PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Randomize
