I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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