yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
