so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
