I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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