My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
