I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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