I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
