i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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